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 Nikki and the Outer Being

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Multi

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PostSubject: Nikki and the Outer Being   Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:40 pm

I had this idea that didn't fit with my current story. This is more along the lines of the fantasy story I've been cooking up.

See, there is a main character named Nikki. She is a middle school girl of a small, close-knit community. Her house is small and cluttered so she feels forced to go outside often. She becomes a night person and almost immediately develops a liking for night wanderings. She starts drawing and develops a unique style. Through the internet, she learns about the stereotypes of the darkness and the night, and subconsciously, this colors her personality and drawings in an innocent way.

Because she is frequently out and about, she is constantly running into people and making new friends. She never schedules anything with friends because she merely has to ring their door bell and ask. One day she meets this boy named Chris who is also an adventurer. They have a lot in common and in the seventh grade, she develops a crush on him. She finds herself sneaking out at night hoping to find him.

One day, Nikki calls as many of her friends as possible in order to try to get a huge game of hide and seek going at night. She gets Chris to come, along with a bunch of other people that are his friends, her friends and her brother and sister's friends. Two such people are Jeff and Tyler from Nikki's art class. Tyler is a very tall boy who could never find much time for art, while Jeff seemed to be the best student after winning an award recently. Jeff was also rather athletic and seemed to try hard at everything.

At first, Nikki tried to follow Chris, and Jeff tried to follow Nikki. Chris kept moving about, and Jeff lost him. Shortly after, Nikki also lost him. Tyler was it. He soon found a lot of people, since they were playing in a neighborhood that was unfamiliar to all except Nikki and Chris. None of them knew it, but Tyler, Chris, Nikki, and Jeff were all standing or hiding very close to each other. It was in that moment that a great power came over the place and manifested itself in the four children, where it hid in the depths of their minds.

Tyler was able to find Jeff, and Jeff found Nikki. No one could find Chris.

A week or so afterwards, Nikki got news that Chris' family was moving to upstate California, where they would be able to live in a quiet rural setting. The news struck Nikki harshly and she tried to see him. No matter how she tried, she could not find Chris. That night she sat on top of her roof with her head in her arms.

Over the next few years, Tyler and Jeff would come back to visit with Nikki. Tyler lived within walking distance, and Jeff lived about 5 miles away. Tyler was never busy and Jeff had a lot of hobbies. Tyler fit the dark stereotypes Nikki had come to like, but he was not innocent like she was. Jeff was the opposite. He seemed like a bright, day-time version of Chris. Whenever Jeff came by, she was reminded of Chris.

So, unconsciously Nikki began to avoid Jeff, and she soon found herself going on her night-time wanderings with Tyler. Nikki's personality darkened, and she started hiding her artwork under her dresser drawers. To her, Tyler seemed to become more mysterious and interesting. On the other hand, Jeff's bright personality darkened and his inner glow flickered with depression and sometimes even suppressed anger. Jeff, too began to hide his artwork.

By this time, all three were well into High School. Jeff had been following Tyler as well as Nikki. They were all friends, but Jeff seemed to get annoying. As his personality grew darker, to Nikki, he got less annoying and more mysterious. To Tyler, the annoyance only grew.

Then one day, Tyler's family moved to Wyoming. This time, however, Nikki was able to see him before he left. He was angry at first, but kind to her. They said there good-byes and were able to part in peace.

Nikki did not wander in the night all summer. She didn't even try to invite anyone over to her house. She drew more than ever. Just before school began, Jeff invited Nikki to a pool party. When she came with a few of her friends, she found Jeff had completely changed. He was no longer the cheerful talented boy he had been. Instead, he seemed to be empty, with the only remaining traces of himself darkly colored. She was scared of him. At the party, he told her how he was writing a book in which she was a main character. He talked about how Chris had left, and then how Tyler had left. It was as if he'd known what she cared about, and that scared her. He said the book wasn't finished, but how all four friends had gained some kind of metal powers. It wasn't until he talked about his plans for a climax in which he would meet her in a kind of showdown that she got so scared that she excused herself to leave.

Only a week later did Nikki decide to go night wandering to Chris' old house. As she neared the house, the streetlights faded. She stopped almost immediately. Even the sky grew darker until she could no longer see at all.

Then, all of a sudden, she was standing on a dark roof-top with one other figure at the point. The figure jerked around suddenly, and, surprised, Nikki almost lost her balance on the shingles. She was not one to scream, and she could see the figure standing there. It was Tyler. She started towards him, but he backed away. It was then that she saw a boy much younger than herself fast asleep on the shingles to her right. Before she could look properly, a seated figure she had not seen stood up from behind an edge in front of her. He introduced himself as Jeff, trying to calm her as he did. She would not be calmed, but she was rooted to the spot.

In a desperate and pleading way, Jeff tried to explain something he could not. His words would not make sense, but Nikki relaxed somewhat. Tyler stepped forward and demanded of Jeff to speak plainly. He was visibly angry. Jeff seemed to pale and stuttered. His mouth seemed to just stop working. Nikki turned to the boy sleeping on the shingles and gasped in utter disbelief. The boy was Chris. Not an older person, but the young middle schooler she had once known.

This startled her so much that she fell backwards where she sat on the tiles, blinking and muttering to herself. Tyler started shouting somewhere behind her, but she couldn't understand anything. For a moment, she sat, with her head in her arms. The noise around her drowned out her muddied thoughts. And then there was no more noise. There was no more light either.

Distorted, a faint, distant noise of sirens came to her. She called out in the darkness for help. Clear and echoing slightly, she heard footsteps approach her. Immediately, her anxiety rose, and she could feel herself losing focus. The person approaching her spoke her name in a child's voice, and she froze. All of her anxiety vanished. Even though she could not see him, she knew that Chris, barefoot and young stood just before her. Nikki, bursting with curiosity, amazement, and questions, kept her silence.

When Chris spoke again, he told her of the great dark being that had possessed them all way back in middle school. He told her of how it had affected Tyler and Jeff. He had explained how Jeff had been the strongest against its power, and how he, Chris, had been the weakest. He told of how the thing had taken over control of Tyler. The dark power was now fighting to destroy Jeff, but Jeff had found a way to control the power and use it against itself. It was then that Chris fell silent.

Nikki reflected inwardly upon this news. She took it to heart for she could feel that it was true. She thought about how she could feel she had let the being transform her. With a blinding realization, she saw how the being must have hurt Jeff severely, and she blamed herself. She had known that Jeff had liked her from the start, yet she had lead him on without meaning to. His weakened spirit must have been vulnerable to the being, yet Jeff had overcome the being in order to reverse the damage. Above all, Nikki thought of Tyler, and wondered at how he had been attacked. She realized that it was not Tyler she had found mysterious and interesting, but rather the powerful being.

With that thought, her feelings remained unchanged. If anything, she felt closer to the dark being, having known what it was. She also felt pity for Tyler. She felt obligated to take action on his behalf to try to give him back what he lost. Still, whether out of a child-like innocence, or the being's grip on her, she felt attached to the dark power. She did not want it to go.

Chris spoke again in caring and worried voice of a child, saying the being was fighting to control her as well. Chris was scared that it might succeed. As these last words were spoken, she felt his strong tree climbing arms hug her waste. Nikki's eyes grew moist as paused before gently returning the gesture.

When she let go, the light returned, and she could see red and blue flashing police cars. Searchlights shone over the edge of the rooftop and she could see Tyler was fighting Jeff with supernatural power. In one particularly fierce blow, Tyler sent Jeff's teenage body sailing over the edge and out of sight. Nikki gasped. Tyler turned to face her. His figure loomed over her. She stared into his eyes as his hand reached out and touched her cheek gently with the knuckles of his partially closed hand.
-----------------------------

And I'm sorry but that's all I've got for now!!!!!!!!!! bounce (I know its right in the middle of the climax!)

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PostSubject: Re: Nikki and the Outer Being   Mon Jul 14, 2008 7:36 am

When you begin, you are summarizing the story, but after a bit, it seems like you are writing it, but still in a summarizing style. Stories generally alternate between scene and summary, so you have some work to do there.

Of course, the mysterious evil entity needs some background, some characteristics, and some intentions.

Interesting so far.

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PostSubject: Re: Nikki and the Outer Being   Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:24 pm

This story vaguely reminds of the The Scorpion Shards by Neal Shusterman. I recommend it, actually. It's pretty old (definitely older than 10 years), and I read it in 5th grade, but it qualifies as Adolescent Literature, and its themes at their basic level are worth pondering even for us. It's a fantasy novel set in our world (and its plot is similar to yours, in some respects).

Anyway, really interesting stuff. Are you summarizing the story for us? Mr. Orange Creature's right, what you have so far reads a lot like detailed plot synopsis in most areas than the actual story itself. Also, it's unclear what kinds of mental powers those four have gained from coming in contact with this dark being thing, and how or why it chose them other than just being in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time. Otherwise I was very interseted in the juxtapositions you were creating between characters, particularly with Jeff's cheerful, day-like demeanor vs. the other characters' darkening personas.
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PostSubject: Re: Nikki and the Outer Being   Wed Jul 16, 2008 9:25 am

This story came to me all in one go. I wrote all of it as fast as possible to keep the ideas coming. Still, there was planning. I left out a lot of the intentions and kept personal interactions to a minimum.

The evil entity has its characteristics. See, you are given a description of Jeff, Tyler, and Chris. Nikki is also described at first, but later, you only get the her character through her actions (view-point character). Nikki is only somewhat aware of the evil entity, and therefore she can't describe it. So this dark power is only described by its effects on the other characters.

Supposing this were a true story, I would be telling it how it actually happened according to Nikki (with only a few exceptions). You will never know how or why the dark power came to be in this story because Nikki doesn't know.

So, I'm glad that you find my story interesting. I'm glad you are curious about this evil entity. I will try to finish this story soon.

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